Winter

A lovely book called The Circle of Life by Joyce Rupp and Macrina Wiederkehr includes this paragraph in its introduction: "The seasons invite us to honor the earth out of which new life germinates, sprouts, develops, blooms, blossoms, and grows. Listen to Earth's song of the seasons passing through her sacred body. Listen intently to these seasons for they reveal our story of unfolding growth as well. They are reflective of changes in our life. In nature's pages we can read of our own evolving passages from death to life. They repeat themselves over and over as we become more true, more whole, more free with each seasonal turning."

This beautiful book has helped me to realize that tuning into the seasons will connect me more deeply to my own cycles of dying to the old/being reborn to the new, resting/growing, reflecting/doing or creating/destroying. Realizing that each new season holds it own challenges yet its own beauties has helped me to be more patient with the cycles that constantly wax and wane in my own life.


Today is the first day of winter, December 21. As I do at the beginning of each new season, today I reflect on winter. The first thing that came to me as I reflected were childhood winter memories. In most of my memories, I was totally oblivious to the hardships of winter. . . I was only focused on the adventures of trekking through deep snow, ice-skating with friends late into the long winter evenings, sledding down to the car on the mornings after my dad was unable to get all the way up the hill to our mountain home and snow days spent with my grandmother. Then with further reflection, I realized that in my early adult years, I lost that sense of wonder with winter and began to dislike it. . . the cold was too cold, the snow too heavy to shovel, the snow-covered roads too difficult to maneuver upon, the days too short, dark and bleak.


We all have spiritual winters in our lives. . . times when cold doubts and/or fears seem to blanket us and send us deep inside ourselves in search of our connections to Source. We miss the rich, full seasons of growth and the bountiful days of harvest. . .seasons of winter can be difficult to maneuver our way through. But just as in my perceptions of winter as a child, spiritual winters can also be times of adventure and beauty. Just as the earth needs winter as a time to rest and replenish to get ready for another big growth spurt in the spring, so the human spirit needs times of stillness, solitude and going deep within.


Today, as we enter the season of winter, I invite you to dwell, not on the harshness, the cold or the difficulties of winter. Instead, I invite you to see the long dark evenings as invitations to be still; to go within and search deep within yourself for forgotten or never explored aspects of your soul. Take this time to reconnect with your Source of wisdom and strength so that you will be refreshed and ready for a new explosion of growth when the season of spring comes once more. See this time of digging out from under old fears and doubts as getting ready for rebirth and new life in the spring.

Balance

When I was in college, a very long time ago, I was in total conflict with my feminine side. I had experienced sexual trauma at a very young age, had numerous father issues that had convinced me that I would have been more loved and accepted if I had been born a male and had consequently lived most of my childhood as a tomboy. Then at the age of seventeen, I met whom I "knew" was the masculine side of my soul and totally fell in love. . . only to have him break up with me a few weeks into my freshman year of college in order to go back to his previous girlfriend. The end result was me trying to navigate my way through college and major life decisions lost in a wounded soul. . . in conflict with what I viewed my "vulnerable" feminine side and over-developing my masculine side.

Throughout my freshman year and into my sophomore year, I rebelled against wearing anything feminine or soft or doing anything special with my hair. I developed friendships with males but overall shied away from even second dates with anyone. About half-way through the fall semester of my sophomore year, a Sadie Hawkins party was announced - it was the once a year chance for the young women on campus to be in charge of finding and inviting dates to attend the gala event. I am not sure what aspect of this party piqued the interest of my holed-up and wounded feminine side, but suddenly I became bold. I dialed the number of the best looking guy on campus and asked him to be my date. When he accepted, I suddenly found myself shopping for dresses with ruffles and lace, lovely shades of make-up and shoes with heels. I even found someone in the dorm to fix my hair up on top of my head with soft curls falling around my face. On the night of the party, as I descended the staircase of the dormitory to meet my date, I felt a bit strange and out of place within the femininity of the clothes and hairdo. . . yet in some way that I did not understand - deeply powerful.

The young man that accompanied me that evening, did not turn out to be the love that I had been searching for yet the sense of power behind my femininity that I experienced that night was the beginning of a journey. Our male-dominated society and our even more male-dominated churches have wounded the feminine side in us all - whether we live in female or male bodies. We have been lead to believe that the feminine aspect is weak and vulnerable therefore in order to feel capable and to have a sense of personal power we shame this part of ourselves and overdevelop the masculine side only to grow more and more out of balance.

Real power lies in the perfect balance of our feminine and masculine sides. The feminine side is like the moon - reflective, receptive. . . a soft light in the vastness of all that is. The power in this aspect of who we are is the ability to receive and reflect upon vast amounts of intuitive "knowing" that tunes us into people and situations at a deep level. The masculine side is like the sun - projecting, radiating, penetrating. . . a powerful light. The power in this side is more obvious but penetrating just for the sake of penetrating can be destructive - like war. The true power is the balance between the two. First, letting the feminine side receive and reflect upon the true nature of the situation, the needs of all involved, what would serve the highest good of all that are involved then allowing the masculine side to kick in and radiate into the situation what is needed whether it is love, instruction, discipline, or healing. It is very much like breathing in and breathing out. The feminine side breaths in the situation, reflects on it and "knows" what is needed. The masculine side breaths out whatever the situation needs projected into it.

I believe that this perfect balance of feminine and masculine was seen in human/Divine form in the life of Jesus. He was able to answer the real question when the person didn't even know how to voice the real question.

What would our world look like if we all, men and women alike, stopped trying to over-develop our masculine side in order to have a sense of power and instead strive to find true power in the perfect balance of the feminine and masculine aspects that exist in us all. There would be no war, no destructive anger, no climbing over others to get to the top of the heap. We would honor all life on this planet and strive to serve the highest good of all life forms.

Weeping Rock

As a side-trip of our trip to Las Vegas, my husband and I drove the two and one-half hours to Zion National Park outside of St. George, Utah. Like the Grand Canyon and Bryce Canyon, Zion lies on the edge of the Great Colorado Plateau. Unlike the Grand Canyon, visitors to Zion visit the park from the bottom of the canyon instead of looking down from the top. As I had only experienced the Grand Canyon from the top, Zion gave me a whole new perspective of a deep canyon . . .sheer rock cliffs rising straight into the air, plants and greenery growing right out of the rock walls, a beautiful river running between the two sheer cliffs of the canyon and the incredible beauty to be seen in every direction.

We found many beautiful and sacred spots, but my favorite was Weeping Rock. About a half mile, rather steep hike from the canyon floor took us from the middle of the desert up to a shower of water droplets coming right out of the rock wall. The hiking path took us through the water droplets to the other side where we could stand in an indention in the rock wall. From here, we could look out at the majestic view of the canyon walls and the desert blue sky through the water droplets. Because of the extra moisture in this area of the canyon, instead of desert plants, the greenery around Weeping Rock was lush with plants such as Oregon Grape and ferns. All of these factors added together created for me an amazing experience.

There is a scientific explanation for this unusual phenomenon. It is something about . . . the rain that falls at Zion is able to soak its way down through the layers of sandstone that make up the upper part of the canyon walls. However, the water is not able to make its way through the more dense rock under the sandstone. Therefore, the water runs horizontally until it finally escapes out of the rock in this dazzling display of sparkling clean water droplets. The science made sense to my mind, but to my heart this place was much more than that . . . it was a place full of hope and encouragement.

To me, the Source of All That Is has a very masculine aspect that is penetrating and powerful like the sun and there is a very feminine aspect that is nurturing and receptive like the moon. Gazing out at the hot desert sun and sheer rock cliffs through this refreshing, sparkling water droplets at Weeping Rock seemed to take me straight to the heart of the Divine Feminine. Life is tough. Problems in the world, our country and even right in our own homes can make us feel like we are trying to find a way to thrive and grow in a deep desert canyon with sheer rock walls on both sides. Yet, Weeping Rock reminds us that there is a Mother God who wants nothing more than to be invited to come alongside us on our journey, nurture us, refresh us, and encourage us to grow. . . like water droplets coming out of the rocks to nurture and refresh a lacy fern in the desert.

The Shack

Last week, while in Las Vegas for my husband to attend a medical conference, I read the book The Shack by Wm. Paul Young. Even though the book is a work of fiction, I got the feeling that I was reading the heart of one man's journey from deep personal pain and anger at God toward wholeness and peace.

The protagonist is a middle-aged father of five named Mack who has worked hard to be a good, loving father in spite of many unresolved father issues of his own. Traditional religion is difficult for him but he is fairly happy and fulfilled until the unthinkable happens. His youngest daughter is abducted and apparently murdered in an old shack deep in the wilderness of Oregon. For four years, Mack is totally engulfed in "The Great Sadness". His guilt over not having been able to keep his precious child safe creates anger and rage not only toward himself but toward God. Suddenly a note appears in his mailbox inviting him to return to the old shack for a weekend. The note is evidently from God. The weekend that follows transforms his life.

Any time that you make the statement, "God is . . .", it matters not what word follows that statement - that word will limit who God is. So, in a way, Mr. Young's personification of three aspects of who God is, his descriptions of how God moves through the story and the protagonist's conversations with God, are all greatly limiting to who God is. On the other hand, if you can accept that this book is not attempting to teach doctrine but is sharing one' man's heart on how to reconcile that God is a loving God even when there is great suffering on this planet - the book is greatly touching.

I found that the protagonist's struggles with God brought to the surface some of my own unresolved pain and anger. Do we not all have father issues? Do we not all struggle to understand how God can be a loving God when we experience pain and suffering in our own lives? If read with an open heart, I believe that this book can be a catalyst for healing some of our own unresolved wounds and resentments.

I invite you to read The Shack. I invite you to allow your own unresolved pain and anger to emerge as Mack's emerges. I invite you to listen to your own soul speak to you as Mack converses with God. I invite you to struggle with God as Mack struggles. It just might bring healing and transformation to your life as well as to Mack's.

What a great book!

The Sacred in the Ordinary

Because we live in the third dimensional plane on this planet, our days get filled up with a lot of ordinary. Besides the daily tasks of fixing meals, making beds, personal hygiene and going to work, my list usually includes things like yard care, house cleaning, laundry, mending, etc., etc. In fact, our days can be so full of the ordinary that the sacred gets completely squeezed out.

Many years ago as a young, busy mom, I was completely caught up in my to-do list. As I did one chore, I would be going over the rest of the list in my head and feeling stressed that I would never get everything accomplished that everyone needed for me to accomplish. By the end of the day, I couldn't even sleep because I was over-tired, over-stressed and my mind was continuing to go a hundred miles per hour over the seemingly never-ending list of chores. When I tried to create time for the sacred, I found it very difficult to completely stop and to completely focus on the Divine.

Then I learned about the empty interval and began to develop a spiritual practice of creating a period of time where I completely set aside the ordinary - releasing my feelings, releasing my thoughts, releasing my to-do list and creating an intention to be an open receptacle to be filled with the Divine. Difficult at first, but powerful, these set-aside times allowed me to feel peaceful and serene for the first time in my life. Often, however, the serenity lasted as long as it took me to get up and get moving and then it flitted away - like an illusory butterfly.

Eventually, with time, I learned that most tasks of my day took very little to no deep thought to accomplish. . . and I began to develop a way of being present with the tasks while at the same time being empty and open to Spirit. Suddenly, most of my day stopped being ordinary and became sacred. I now find myself in cooking meditations where I sense sacred symbolism in the mixing and blending of colors, tastes and textures to create a satisfying meal. I find myself doing weed-pulling meditations where I see myself not just pulling third-dimensional weeds but see myself removing the things from my life that could choke and kill the beauty that I am trying to enhance in my life. Most of my life has become a meditation where ordinary chores have become symbols for what I want to have happen on the level of the sacred in my life.

Find the peace and serenity of the sacred throughout your day - explore the sacred that can be found within the ordinary tasks of your day.

Surrender

On dictionary.com, the word surrender is defined as "the act of giving up one's person, one's possessions, or people under one's command to the authority, power, or control of another." The visual that comes to my mind along with this definition is that of the white flag tied on the end of the musket in an old war movie. It is what you are forced to do when you no longer have the wherewithal to keep fighting the battle.

Yes, there is this aspect of surrender on the Spiritual path. There are always times when one must acknowledge that they are fighting a battle that is way over their head, surrender it to a higher power and then completely let go. Early on in my journey, this was a very familiar cycle to me - I would grow unhappy with some part of my life, fight tooth and nail to change it for weeks, months or even years and then finally fall exhausted to my knees and turn it over to God.

Slowly, with time and wisdom, a new concept of surrender began to come to me. The visual of deciduous trees feeling the first twinges of the approaching winter, begin by surrendering their greens to yellows, oranges and reds and then silently releasing their leaves as if they understand at a deep level that holding on to the old would make them vulnerable to damage during the snows of winter and would keep them from being able to be reborn in the spring. What a beautiful metaphor for the Spiritual path! What if we, like the trees, moved through life with an ongoing attitude of openness and surrender which allowed Spirit to point out what is no longer serving us well, what is going to make us vulnerable to the storms that are coming and what is going to keep us from being able to be reborn in areas that are in need of transformation.

I have a new favorite prayer: "I am open to healing in this area," or "I am open to learning a lesson in this area." Does this openness and constant state of surrender release me from the sometimes painful process of releasing the old and accepting the new? No, but it does invite in the abundant help that the universe is anxious to give. . . and it allows me to move more smoothly through the seemingly endless process of letting go of what no longer serves my highest good.

This time of year, as the deciduous trees turn lovely shades of yellows, oranges and reds and begin to slowly and steadily release their leaves - what a great time to ask Spirit what is ready to be surrendered from your life?

Affirmation

I grew up in a day and age, with busy, over-worked parents, where no one paid much attention to anything that I did until I did something wrong or produced something far below my potential. Therefore, when I became a parent, I created strong intentions to shepherd my children more with affirmations of what I liked about what they were doing and less with reminders of what they were doing wrong. However, to my surprise, I found this far more difficult than I expected it to be. I found that it was much easier to ignore happy, productive, busy children than it is to ignore children who are making poor choices with their time and energy. With time and effort I got better and better at affirming behavior that I wanted to encourage in my children while ignoring behavior that I hoped would be extinguished. And what I found is that affirmation is powerful!


Yet, everything that I learned about affirmation through parenting two children seemed to be lost on myself. When I began my journey toward wholeness and began to listen to the self-talk in my head - I was astounded by its negativity. If affirmation was so powerful in helping children grow and transform into higher functioning beings - what was I accomplishing in the area of personal growth with constant negative self-talk?



For several years since this revelation, instead of saying to myself "I am never going to get well - this cold is going to hang on forever" - I try to say, "I feel my body fighting this cold - I am going to be well soon." Or I choose to tell myself, "the fifties are the best years of one's life." "Wrinkles are a sign of wisdom and saging." "That wasn't a mistake - it was just another opportunity to grow into who I was made to be." "My soul is drawing these difficult things to me so that I can grow and better serve the highest good of the all."



Do I always talk to myself in positive affirmations? No, like all humans, I have days of discouragement where I slip back into negativity. However, learning to monitor my self-talk and to speak to myself in positive, affirming ways has been transformational for me.



My daughter's church is having a "No Complaint" campaign where you wear a pink plastic bracelet on one wrist. Whenever you catch yourself complaining out loud you have to move the bracelet to the other wrist. The goal is to make it 21 days without having to move the bracelet. When she was explaining it to me she said, "The Rabi says that if you catch yourself and don't say it out loud - it doesn't count." I wanted to say, "It's great to monitor and be in control of the words that you speak but it is harder and more important to monitor and control how you talk to yourself in your head."



Is your self-talk serving your highest good? Are you positive, affirming and compassionate in the way that you talk to yourself? If thoughts and self-talk are transformational - what are your messages to yourself bringing into your life?

Parents

A spiritual idea that has been really helpful to me is the concept of the Soul Covenant. The Soul Covenant is an agreement between the soul and Source/God/The Universe. The contract is made before the soul enters a human body and comes into existence on this planet. This agreement defines what you have come here to learn, what you have come here to do and who you have come here to serve. After the soul agrees to the covenant, it then chooses the time in history that it needs, the place that it needs and the parents it needs in order to best fulfill its covenant with Source.

When I first heard that my soul chose my own parents because I needed them, in order to become who God needs me to be, I was frustrated...but then as I sat with the idea - it began to bring me a lot of peace. The ensuing questions were fascinating: What was it about an absent, too busy father that was necessary for me to become who I needed to be? What was it about a shut-down, overwhelmed mother that was necessary to teach me what I needed to learn?

Until I have clear, unobstructed communication with my soul, I won't have access to all of the answers to these questions. However, I do know that a lonely, difficult childhood connected me early and steadfastly to nature; it connected me to the very old and to the very young, and to other outcasts of society; it connected me to the God who seemed always present no matter who else was missing. In trying to understand my soul covenant, I have found that all of these deep connections formed in childhood have opened up areas of ministry as an adult. I have grown more fully into God's hands and feet on this planet.

There is a movie that my husband and I like called, Smoke Signals. The theme of the story is that everyone has to forgive their fathers. All fathers, and mothers for that matter, were there too much or there too little. They gave too much or they gave too little. They loved too much or loved too little. We all have to make peace with our parents. What better way to do that than to realize that our souls actually picked exactly the right parents, in order for us to learn what we needed to learn?

The Law of Service

The law of service, according to Two Worlds Wisdom School, says, "You only grow through serving others." In the cosmology of the law, it goes on to say that as we do what we can to bring light to this world - we create space that is then filled with more Spirit. This new down flow of Spirit allows us to broaden our service and ministry which then creates more space that again is filled by Spirit. This creates a beautiful spiral of giving and receiving where we can never out give God/Source/the Universe.

As our circle worked together on this concept last night, many of us had personal stories of times where we were invited to do something or create something that felt outside of our abilities or outside of our comfort zone - but when we moved forward in spite of not really feeling "capable"we became a part of something larger than ourselves.

I thought of the time that I had volunteered at my children's church-affiliated school to do some classes for the Gifted and Talented. As I went from teacher to teacher to ask of their needs, I repeatedly got the same response, "Where I need your help is with the students that struggle to read at level - not my gifted and talented students." I didn't know the first thing about teaching reading to those who don't learn easily by traditional methods but I decided to do what I could and began to look for some training. Eventually I ended up in California taking a three week intense course on reading tutoring for students with specific reading disabilities. At the end of the third week, I felt totally overwhelmed with all that I had learned and totally unable to successfully use this method with real students who had real reading issues.

My weak self-esteem filled my emotions with doubt and my mind with all the reasons why I couldn't facilitate this program in my children's school throughout the long trip back from California. Finally, it came to me: I might feel totally inadequate but I was the one that at this moment had more training in reading disabilities than anyone else in the entire school. If I didn't at least try - who would help these kids? By the time I reached home, I had a new resolution in my heart to try to do what I could. I soon learned that this is all the Spirit really needs from us. Many people had heard of my trip and the taking of the class and by the end of the first week after arriving home, I had five students who wanted my help. And even more surprising to me - they all improved rapidly!

The last paragraph of the cosmology on the Law of Service says, "If you only have a small piece of bread, share it with those who hunger. You will then be rewarded a whole loaf. You can't out give God." God is not asking you to raise the dead if you have never seen yourself as a healer before. But maybe he is asking you to try to enhance healing in the people in your personal circle by lovingly applying the healing salve of acceptance and no judgement to the areas of their wounds. All you have to do is step forward and try and the Spirit will empower you and show you the way.

A New Level of Commitment

I was raised in a Christian home where we went to church every weekend, confessed and truly felt love for a God that we believed cared for and loved us in return but who was distant and did little to transform our lives. The spirituality of my childhood worked for me for many years until I approached the turbulent teens. It was in those tough moments of change and peer stress that I knew that I needed more than a weekly visit to a far-off God. I needed a God who was up-close and personal in my life and who had a significant impact on who I was trying to become. It was at that moment that I knew that I needed a new level of commitment or I needed to give it up and be done with the whole thing.
I was thinking about this concept of the spiritual walk's periodic demand for new levels of commitment while I was hiking one of my favorite trails on the Oregon Coast. There are many different trails to the top of Cascade Head. My favorite trail begins in dense green ground cover and old-growth timber, includes steep rocky sections, slick muddy sections, the crossing of streams and the maneuvering around giant tree roots. Finally, when it feels like you are going to wander forever through the dense forest, the trail breaks out onto a treeless head. Eventually, you near the edge of the cliff and can see the vast ocean before you, the mouth of the Salmon River to your left, the Cascade Mountains behind you and the high point of the head to your right. From there the trail turns into steep switch-backs that seem to go on forever toward the highest point of the head. Besides the usual challenges of the hike, there is often heavy weather and dense fog to complicate your climb.

On my last trip to the Oregon Coast, as in the spiritual life, I had picked my trail of choice - in truth, like the most of us, I was born onto a trail. I began to follow in the steps of countless feet that had walked before me. I felt committed. I felt like I was doing a good thing. Yet, it was not long before the steepness of the trail and the dense fog made me breathe hard and I had to find a new level of commitment within me to keep moving, buckle down, and move with new energy and determination. This occurred many times on my way toward my goal but I finally reached the edge of the cliff. The thick fog encircled me. There were no breathtaking views. There was only the trail extending on and up to my right - seemingly forever into the fog. Again, I had reached a point where I needed to make a new level of commitment to continue on and up. But, this time, after sitting for a while, I couldn't find what it would take within me and I headed back down the trail.

The analogy of the spiritual life being like a hiking trail breaks down easily when pushed too far, but I believe that it has value. As in hiking, I have reached the point many times in my life where, for one reason or another, my spiritual life no longer worked for me: dark times of illness and depression where I lacked the required level of surrender to a trusted, nurturing God; times of transition where I lacked the grounding in a firm, unwavering God; times of loss where I lacked wisdom to know that what was happening was for the highest good of all involved. Each of these times - it was not God or Source or The Universe that was lacking. The problem always was rooted in my level of commitment, surrender and/or groundedness. Each time, I grew angry. Each time I grew tempted to give up on a Spiritual life. But each time I eventually found my way down to a new level of commitment and thus found a new level of relationship with the Divine that saw me through the fog and on up the trail.

Is your spiritual life working for you today? Does your God feel too small? Does he/she feel too far away? Too powerless to handle what is happening in your life? Check your level of commitment.

Abundance

I teach special needs language arts two mornings a week at a tiny private school. Because school started only two weeks ago, about all that I have gotten done so far this school year is individualized testing to see who needs my help. Last week, as I was pulling my things together to head off to school, I felt compelled to grab some healthy snacks, some colored paper clips and a set of tuning forks.

Entering the front door of the school, I found the principal talking to a small first grade boy, whose clouded face told me was having a very difficult day. This young one (I will call him Pauli), if diagnosed, would probably be labeled ADHD. But to me, he is just a bright little one who probably needs another year to run free in nature. School seems to be torture to his little soul and seems to become more difficult each new day. My heart went out to him as our eyes met.

I don't really have a set schedule yet, so I said, "Pauli, I brought some special things to show you - would you like to come with me for a little while?" The Principal's eyes filled with gratitude as Pauli whined something like, "sure," and slid out of his chair to follow me into the room where I work.

Little ones with focus challenges will often calm down and focus better if you can get them to listen to a tuning fork from the time that you tap it until the time that it stops vibrating. Pauli and I played with the tuning forks until he had forgotten his unhappiness and was calm and settled down a bit. I got out the colored paper clips and let him look at the bright colors. I told him, as I laid out five in front of him, that these were going to be my signals to him. When he was focusing on the words and trying hard to match the letters with sounds and words that I would every once in a while lay another one out for him. But when he forgot what we were doing or refused to try to figure out the words then I would signal him that he was not engaged in helpful behavior by slipping one on the clips back into the sack. I then asked him if he was ready to try a few pages of his book. He looked at me skeptically but said, "ok".

The book was difficult but it was interesting and the paper clips coming and going kept him engaged until suddenly we were on the last page and he had read the entire book. He grinned up at me and said, "Would you like to see the rock in my pocket?" I of course said, "yes", so he pulled a small green rock out and told me that it was a piece of jade that he had found. Because of my love for rocks, I truly was interested to study it and appreciate it. Then I asked him if he would like to see the rock in my pocket and his eyes got huge. As I pulled one of my favorite rocks that I often carry with me out of my pocket, he gasped as if he had never found a kindred spirit before. As he looked at me and then at my rock, a little bit of unnamed magic seemed to fill the room and our hearts. I thanked him for his hard work, gave him a healthy treat, hugged him and walked with him as he skipped back to his classroom - his rotten day completely forgotten.

The next evening, our Wisdom Circle was discussing The Law of Abundance. In our culture, the idea of abundance usually calls up thoughts of monetary abundance or wealth. As our group members read quotes from famous authors about how to attract abundance into one's life, I suddenly remembered my time with Pauli the day before. Wasn't my time with Pauli a perfect example of abundance flowing into a situation? First, I prepared to go to school to serve in a loving way the highest good of whoever I got to spend time with that day. I then paid attention to something higher than my conscious self when it prompted me to grab some unusual things and take them with me before I walked out of the door. Next, I recognized a need and did my best to fill that need without an attachment to what the result would look like. The end result was an abundance of wondrous occurrences: an entire difficult book read, a feeling of pride and accomplishment, a magical connection between two kindred spirits and the total release of a bad day.

The universe is made in such a way that abundance is always trying to flow into our lives. We can either open to that abundance with high intentions to serve in whatever way we can, not being attached to the outcome and paying attention to the inner "knowing" that always moves to help us. Or, we can put a kink in the abundance hose with fear, self-doubt, or lack of attention to the leading of the Divine.

Are you living a life of abundance? If not, what is kinking up the hose that is trying to bring that abundance to you?

Surrender to the Moment

The New Mexican desert surrounding Santa Fe and Taos is full of inspiring and beautiful natural scenery as well as man-made wonders. One day last week, on our recent trip to the area, we encountered a unique and beautiful site. El Santuario de Chimayo sits in a green valley in the middle of the desert north and east of Santa Fe. It is known as the Lourdes of America. Legend has it that early in the 1800’s people found healing and miraculous cures in the dirt of the hills surrounding this small chapel. Testimonies of the miraculous spread over the years until today hundreds of thousands of people make pilgrimages to this spot every year.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I could sense that we were entering a special space where countless people have come with hope seeking healing and peace and have left a bit of their essence of faith. As we walked through the grounds, the rough hewn sculptures of wood and stone stole my heart and pulled me deeper into the feeling of this place. Walking into the sanctuary, the too-warm stuffiness of the small dark room that might have otherwise made me want to retreat was quickly forgotten. The inside of the chapel was just as rough hewn and quaint as the outside but again completely stole my heart. My husband and I sat on a rough wooden bench toward the back on the left side, closed our eyes and just surrendered to the moment. I cleared my mind, my emotions and my connections to my physical surroundings, visualized a grounding cord descending from the end of my spine down into this unique piece of earth, visualized a beautiful golden cord of light ascending from the crown of my head up to the Divine and just tried to be with this place.

Where did the legends of the healing dirt begin? What prompted the first pilgrims to be so drawn to this spot? What continues to bring over 300,000 people per year to this place? As my heartsong began to vibrate with the heartsong of this place, I did not receive answers to these questions but I did deeply “know” something wonderful. . . my deep desire for healing and transformation into who I am meant to be resonated deeply with some kind of help that resided in this simple but sacred spot. Almost an hour passed before I felt full, satiated and ready to move on.

If we pay attention, there are sacred places and/or sacred moments that are trying hard to help us. Whether it is the hopes, dreams and faith of those who walked there before us or whether the place itself holds some kind of special feeling or essence – these moments and places abound. Yet we can completely miss the blessing if we don’t stop and surrender to them.

The universe and/or the Divine provides us daily with a rich environment full of help, wisdom and love tucked into obscure circumstances, places or encounters. Do you watch for them? Do you find them? When you encounter them, do you surrender to them?

Attraction

Have you ever felt strangely attracted to something? A pine cone by the trail that just seemed to need to come home with you? A painting in a gallery that you just couldn't seem to walk away from? A place on a map that you have always yearned to go visit? A certain type of bird or animal that you have always loved for some unknown reason? A book that seemed to jump off the shelf and into your hand?

These seemingly random attractions are not random or silly at all. These are Sacred Heartsong moments that are trying to catch your attention. When the essence of who we are finds resonance with the essence of what something else is - there will be an attraction. By paying attention to these attractions, we can learn a lot about who we are at our soul level and who we are trying to become in our daily lives.

I have always loved rocks. As a kid, I would constantly pick up the ones that caught my eye until I had quite a collection - a piece of Marble from high in the mountains of Colorado, a piece of basalt from a field trip with my Earth Science class, a piece of petrified wood from Ginko National Petrified Forest, etc. Then as an adult I discovered an amazing thing called a Rock or Crystal Shop. The first one that I fell in love with was near the Oregon Coast - south of Lincoln City. The feeling, as I walked into the store, felt almost holy - like an old cathedral. The beautiful colors and delicate structures of the crystals created a lovely, full feeling in my heart. But almost without fail, there would be a single one or two that would really attract me and pull me in.

The Heartsong Moments created for me by these precious stones each contained a sacred lesson. I caught a glimpse of my own Heartsong as I understood the lessons...the rose quartz cut into a heart shape beckoned to me to open up my heart more to giving and accepting love...the black obsidian sphere invited me to become more connected to the center of the earth and to be more grounded...the stunning piece of clear crystal inspired me to clear my space of old toxic emotions. These stones that I have loved, and many others, have helped me to open, ground, clear and heal into a version of myself that is just a bit closer to what God had in mind when he created me - my true essence.

To what are you attracted today?

Joy

My husband and I live one row of houses away from the "Little Spokane River Nature Preserve" … from every window of our home we look out upon hills covered with forest. I love the 70 foot pines surrounding our house, the hiking trail being a block from our front door and the wildlife that comes and goes on an ongoing basis.

At the beginning of this summer, I decided that I would begin to feed the birds to see what I could attract. My immediate favorites were the tiny American Goldfinches with their bright yellow bodies, and their black wings, tails and skull caps. I was filled with joy by their bright happy color, constant chatter and the swooping funny way that they fly, but their visits were only occasional and they never stayed long at the feeders. Then one day I noticed at the feed store a bag of bird food called "Finch Lovers Blend". It is a premium mix of sunflower chips, thistle and Niger seeds and the label claimed that finches and other small colorful birds love this mixture. I decided that if I wanted to attract more of the joyful little birds then I needed to provide what they loved - so I purchased a bag. The new food first filled the feeders about 3 weeks ago and today my yard is filled with yellow birds. Now there are usually 5 to 7 Goldfinches (or Pine Siskins) on the hanging feeder and there can be as many as twelve more on the covered feeder, a few feet away. The trees close to the feeders are also filled with birds and the air seems to be alive with them.

Life is much like my bird feeders. Consciously or unconsciously, we decide what we want to attract – joy and abundance, or scarcity and pain. With our decision, we put out the energy that will attract those things into our lives. If we fill our internal space with fear, anger and negativity, we will attract more circumstances that will make us angry, fearful and unhappy. But, if we first set our intentions to live a life of alignment with our heartsongs, and then fill our "feeders" with thoughts of acceptance, openness to Spirit and a happy expectancy - we will attract all the good things that God so badly wants to give us.

What is in your feeders today?

Passion

Travel is a very spiritual activity for me. To get out of my regular routine, visit new places, experience new cultures and expose myself to new ways of being in the world always leaves me a larger version of who I was before the adventure and I find it transformational.

One such trip was taken with my first husband and four other couples to the island of Moorea in French Polynesia in 1997. Moorea is a stunningly beautiful heart-shaped island just a short 30 minute ferry ride from Papeete, the capital of Tahiti. There were many wonderful things about a February visit to this magical island: the eighty-something degree air is almost exactly the same temperature as the eighty-something degree water; the island is completely surrounded by a coral reef so there are no waves crashing on the beach - it is much like swimming in a pool; the scenery, hiking, snorkeling, jungle, cultural center and the activities available made every minute full of beauty and fun. But my very favorite part of the trip was the people who are native to this enchanting place. The first thing that I noticed is that most of the people were quite poor according to American standards, yet I rarely meet anyone in America that radiated the kind of joy that I saw in these faces. They were fiercely proud - they took offence if you tipped them for any of their services, and they were full of passion.

I heard it in the voice of the man who ran the "Swim with the Sharks" tour. He knew the sharks intimately, had each of them named and loved introducing them to you - the tourists. From the way that he talked, you knew that he was passionate about the sharks, the ocean, his island and the fact that he wanted to break the bad press that sharks around the world receive. He was full of passion.

I saw it in the face of one of the girls that befriended us and took us all over the island in search of a certain trinket that my friend just had to take home with her. She barely knew us but she loved us and would do anything to help us. She was full of passion.

I watched it in the work of the two guides that took us on a snorkeling adventure to another small island. They paddled us to the site, showed us where the best snorkeling was and then cooked us a traditional meal of chicken and breadfruit cooked over an open flame and sashimi, a raw fish salad. They did everything from their heart with a deep passion that I rarely see here in the states.

After spending a week with these amazing and wonderful people, I came away a different person - one determined to live from the heart as I had seen these people do. However, it wasn't as easy as it looked. In a world of stressful jobs, unhappy marriages, over-busy kids, too many bills and too long a to-do list, it is very difficult to live from our hearts and we lose touch with our passion.

A spiritual life is a life lived from the heart - a life of passion. A spiritual life is where one consciously listens to one's heartsong, consciously chooses how to spend each minute of one's day and then lives each moment with passion. You aren't able to perform your job with passion? Then it is time to find a new job. Stressful relationships drowning out your heartsong? Then it is time to off-load some old relationships. Living beyond your means stamping out your ability to live from your heart? Then it is time to get out of debt and simplify your life.

It is now over ten years since I made the commitment to get back to living from my heart. It has not been an easy journey nor a journey without tears but it has been more than worth it. Find your passion once again. Live from your heart. Listen to your heartsong.

Never Too Late

The little girl in the yellow dress twirls until the skirt stands out straight and round as the yellow sun.

The young foal jumps and runs and kicks like the new life within him is exploding through his limbs and feet.

The hardness and tightness in the old woman's heart melts and releases down through her feet and into the ground.

Her gray eyes flutter open just in time to see a tiny hummingbird flit by the window reminding her that joy and new life can be reborn in us all.

Acceptance

As a young, childless teacher in my early twenties, I believed that all of the problems that I saw in my students' behavior could be easily cured with proper parenting. At the age of 28, my soul invited into my life a beautiful baby girl. The adoption agency warned my first husband and I that she had a few possibilities for scary health issues in her genetics but because I firmly believed that the correct environment was all that was needed to create perfect children, I paid little heed to their warnings.

It was not long before it became apparent that this little one was not well...by four months old she was diagnosed as "Failure to Thrive". This turn of events did not fuel my theory that "proper parenting could save the children of the world," so I redoubled my efforts to coerce this tiny human to eat, grow and flourish. By seven months old she had almost completely stopped eating... by thirteen months she was in the hospital for a calorie count to determine if she needed to be put into an eating disorders hospital. I was devastated. I began to wonder: could it be that the more I tried to control her to get the desired outcome - the more she fought against me?

With the help of an excellent pediatrician and some wise counselors, I learned to accept this precious little one for what she was - a sovereign child of God who had the power of choice. I began to honor what she was trying to tell me by her refusal to eat... I began to work with her to help to find her healthy weight. By the time that she was three years old, she was still tiny but she was very healthy and happy. Needless to say, this small addition to our family transformed my beliefs about life and taught me about acceptance.

As children of God, our lives are closely monitored. Only those people and those things which will help us find our true Heartsongs are allowed into our lives. This is hard to embrace, especially when we have difficult people in our lives and our favorite belief systems are being challenged, left and right. However, it seems to me that life is much like being the mother of a strong-willed, failure-to-thrive baby. The more we fight against difficulty - the greater the difficulty will become. When we honor the difficult situations and difficult people as lessons, and learn what they are trying to teach us - we become wiser. Life becomes easier.

It may be too much to ask you to embrace the people and situations in your life that are making you crazy right now... but perhaps you can begin to relax and ask: "what are these people and situations trying to teach me?" This question will move you to your true essence and to your Sacred Heartsong.

Grounding

While my step-daughter was here visiting, we spent a few days in Seattle. Seattle is a beautiful city with many wondrous things to see and do, but we all agreed that the highlight of our visit was the Seattle Aquarium. We spent the morning touching anemones, starfish and sea urchins, and staring face to face with fish large and small of every color. Everyone came away with a favorite exhibit but my favorite by far was the octopus.

The large and beautiful specimen was in a hamster cage-like tank that was actually two large tanks with a tube of water connecting the two. I watched in fascination as the almost red animal moved across the bottom of the first tank - always connected to the rocks underneath him. He then sent one long arm through the tube to then be in contact with the rocks on the floor of the second tank before he began to move through the tube in route to his destination. By the time that he was fully through the tube and his body settled onto the floor of the new tank, he had changed colors to match the new tank's floor and was now almost white.

As I stood appreciating this magnificent creature, I was reminded of another spiritual practice that can help us to discover our true essence and help us to find what makes our hearts sing. Creating an empty interval and spending time connecting to the higher aspects of ourselves and the Divine is essential but if we are always connecting up without staying connected to the stability and the constancy of the earth beneath us then we can be too flighty to be able to bring the gifts of our higher selves down into our everyday existence.

I have been taught many different ways to become and to stay more grounded. One is to create an empty interval while having both feet securely on the floor. While in this calm and peaceful space, spend several minutes visualizing your feet sprouting roots that grow deeply into the earth and feel them bringing you more stability and quiet strength. Another method is to do a visualization as you did before but instead of visualizing roots, see a heavy rope or cord extending from the base of your spine and descending deeply into the earth and becoming connected to the center of the earth. As you watch, you can imagine the cord tightening and making you feel more secure and less vulnerable. Another method is to go out into nature and sit on a rock or on the earth or stand with your back against a tall deeply rooted tree, close your eyes and relax into the groundedness of nature. Any of these methods will help you to feel less tossed about by strong emotions, more secure in who you are and what you are doing and like the octopus - help you to stay connected to where you are trying to go. Another way to think of this is, without a grounded lightning rod - you will never attract a flash of lightning. Without being deeply grounded - you will never attract a down flow of Spirit - from your higher aspects or from the Divine.

A regular grounding visualization or activity done for several minutes a couple times a day can make a real difference in how you move through the world, how you handle difficult parts of your day and how you connect to and pull down higher aspects of who you are. Happy grounding!

Too Busy Saving the World

One of my step-daughters is here visiting for a long weekend. She is a soft and sensitive soul who has experienced a lot of hard "stuff" during her short twenty-three years. As an on-looker, I would expect her experiences to equal bitterness and anger, but she has managed to sage into someone who is wise beyond her years and who loves beyond most people's capacity.

During a conversation, she shared with us a situation that she is struggling with. She has determined that a major change in her life would serve her highest good yet she fears that such a change could possibly cause pain to people that she loves. She seems torn and anxious as she says, "I have a save the world complex!"

I so deeply relate to my step-daughter's dilemma, as many of you may as well. The soft and sensitive among us tend to get the job descriptions of "healing everyone around them" within the systems where we live and work. In fact, we get so busy fixing, calming, soothing and taking care of that it leaves very little time for us to connect to who we are and what we need.

A spiritual principle that has really helped me with my own "save the world complex" is the idea that nothing comes into our life without an invitation from our soul. It is my job to pay attention to the Heartsong Moments as well as the painful moments in my life so that I can learn the lessons that my soul is trying to teach me. You must do the same with the moments in your life. If I rescue you from your lessons before you have learned them, then I am only getting in your way - not helping you at all. To learn to fly, you have to jump from the nest. Is there ever a time when we should help those we love? Of course! When someone asks us about something in our life that they admire - this is a perfect opportunity to share what we have learned. But, we interfere with their most important lessons when we try to save them from experiencing the discomfort that they have drawn to themselves.

Today, do not be too busy saving the world to pay attention to what your life is trying to teach you.

An Empty Interval

Part of my spiritual practice each morning, when I can make the time, is to climb to the top of the mountain that we look at from our front windows. The mountain is part of a nature preserve and is thus full of magically beautiful birds and wildlife. This morning, as I trudged up the steepest part of the trail, I was surprised and delighted to see a pileated woodpecker fly to a dead tree near me. The pileated woodpeckers are the large, crow-sized, black and white birds with the bright red crested heads.

Having this beautiful bird come so close to my space reminded me that it is very easy to be caught up in the lower aspects of who we are - the black and white of what we need to get done in the physical realm, our overwhelming emotions both new and old as well as the thoughts in our heads that zoom along without ceasing like an eight lane super-highway. The beautiful parts of us, like the woodpeckers bright red head, live in the higher aspects of who we are - our soul and spirit. But how do we connect to those higher aspects? How do we rise above the busy doing, the strong emotions and the never-ceasing thoughts to find our higher essence?

Soon after I became a serious student of spirituality, I was taught the concept of the empty interval. It is exactly what the name implies - an interval of time set aside to be completely empty of doing, feeling and/or thinking. At first, this was extremely difficult for me because I have lived in a culture that emphasizes doing and is somehow very uncomfortable with just being; but with persistence and practice I learned to relax into it and really love it. And the beauty of what I discovered is that as I was able to disconnect from my to-do list, my pesky emotions and my non-stop thoughts, I was able to rise above those parts of me and to connect more fully with the higher aspects of my own being - my essence. Our higher aspects connect naturally to the Divine so the empty interval helps strengthen our Divine connection as well!

I invite you to create an empty interval - ten to fifteen minutes to begin with - and fill it with the intention to rise above the black and white mundane doings, feelings and thinkings and just "be" and you will be surprised by some awesome Sacred Heartsong Moments!

Your Essence

One of my favorite laws listed on the website of Two Worlds Wisdom School is the Law of Happiness. Stated simply it says, "Happiness is doing who you are." This may be simple to state but it is certainly not simple to implement in one's life.

Fourteen years into a difficult marriage, I went to my first therapy session in 1993. I remember telling the therapist, "I don't know who I am - I have lost me!" Over the next few years in my search for wholeness and my true essence, I asked many questions such as:

Am I really this person's wife - is that who I am?

Am I really these people's mother - is that who I am?

Am I really these people's daughter - is that who I am?

Am I really these people's teacher - is that who I am?

Am I really this body with all of its quirks and flaws - is that who I am?

Of course none of these things are who I am at my core. My true essence exists at the level of my spirit but the essence of who I am is difficult to find because it is all buried under who my parents have told me I am, who my culture has told me I am, who my church has told me I am and who my relationships have told me I am.

The realization that I am not what I do or a sum total of my relationships or even the package of DNA that I received from my parents gave me some breathing room to begin to open up to seeing who I really am. It was then that I began to notice Heartsong Moments - sacred moments that seemed to open the door a crack and let me peak in and get a glimpse of the real me. These moments caught my attention because they triggered a special vibration in my heart space - almost a song of energy that reverberated throughout my being.

One morning, while teaching third and fourth grade language arts, I finished up a creative writing lesson, walked through the classroom to see that everyone understood the lesson and had successfully begun their task, and was returning to my desk to check on the readiness of the next lesson. Suddenly, I noticed an unfamiliar rush of energy from my heart flooding my body. It was my first recognized experience of a heartsong. I had taught a good lesson, the kids had caught my enthusiasm and my vision and were working with excitement and energy. In that moment I realized that even though teaching had been a difficult role for me to fit into - at my core I am someone who loves to help someone catch a vision and then watch them move forward with enthusiasm and energy. It is who I am.

Watching for these Heartsong Moments helps us to slowly build a vision of our essence which then invites us to align what we do with who we are and live a happier life. Have you experienced any Heartsong Moments today?

Heart Song

What makes your heart sing? The rough tongue of a puppy on your cheek? Yellow daffodils in spring after too many weeks of snow and cold? The gnarled hand of a beloved elder that touches you with a wise knowing?

We all experience from time to time those sacred moments in life that open our hearts and strike a perfect chord of well-being and bliss. It is within these moments that we can see more clearly the essence of who we are within the core of our being.

The pup that so freely gives unconditional love reminds us that at our core we too can love freely and unconditionally. The bright colors of spring after the drab winter remind us that new life always follows death and that if we will but surrender to what is trying to die - we will inevitably find something new trying to come to life and grow. The wisdom and knowing in the gnarled hand helps us to know that the difficulties of life are able to sage us in beautiful ways. Acceptance of the lessons in life opens us up to a deep knowing.

Keep your eyes open to the sacred moments in life and take a moment to learn something new about what they are telling you about your core essence. What makes your heart sing?