Perception

As a small girl, I felt very alone. I was a late-life pregnancy for a mother who worked as a hospital nurse. My brothers were already pre-teens when I arrived and my father was busy trying to take care of a small ranch and juggle three other jobs in order to keep the family afloat. At a very young age, I remember laying in the feed trough and feeding the cows one piece of straw at a time and feeling that they and the barn kitties were the only ones that kept me from drowning in loneliness.

As an adult, I revisited some of these old childhood haunts with my middle brother who was almost nine when I arrived on the planet. As I talked about the feelings of loneliness and vulnerability that I had experienced as a child, he was shocked. He had a totally different perception of our childhood. He saw me as the spoiled baby sister whom everyone doted over while he saw himself as the awkward, overweight pre-teen who couldn't compete with me for adult attention. As we continued to talk, I discovered that I felt angry at our father for being so absent while working so many jobs. My brother, on the other hand, felt angry at our mother for driving our father to work so hard. It was like we had grown up in totally different realities - and indeed we had.

Birth order, gender, societal conditioning, parental conditioning, religious conditioning all heavily influence how we perceive the world. As we look out of our eyes at the world, we look through our physical needs and pain, our emotional needs and pain, our mental belief systems and conditioning. It is like looking at a psychiatrist's inkblot - we project our stuff out onto the world and then perceive what we have projected. Because of this, we all live in our own realities to a greater or lesser extent.

I watched an interesting movie lately called, The Shipping News. The main actor, Kevin Spacey had grown up with a fairly abusive father who had attempted to teach him to swim by pushing him into the lake and then yelling at him. Throughout the movie, which depicted a significantly difficult passage of his adult life, he viewed everything that was happening to him through the eyes of the little boy who was drowning because he had failed to dog-paddle. His reality, therefore, was all about failure, not being lovable and not being worthy.

Embracing this idea of skewed perceptions and living in one's own reality, I ask myself, "What do I do about this?" My first realization is that I need to be aware that my perceptions are skewed as I move through the world. I need to realize that the realities of others are not the reality that I live in. . . therefore I need to be very careful of any judgement or any advice. When I attempt to help someone, I must attempt to get out of my own "stuff" and pass over to "the standpoint of the other" in order to be helpful in any way.

Secondly, I realize that I need to do all that I can to clear my space as much as possible in order to clear my perception as much as possible. Getting my physical body as healthy as possible, making sure that I have had the therapy and healing work that I need, and working with a Spiritual director who can help me see what needs to be cleared - are all helpful. But the most important thing that I can do is to spend time in spiritual practice. Prayer, inspirational reading and especially practicing silence and connecting to the Divine all develop our ability to perceive more clearly.

We have all experienced looking down through water and trying to see what is below the surface. The clear ocean water in the South Pacific allows us to see the fish and coral below us quite clearly, while the muddy water of a large river such as the Columbia or the Mississippi keeps what lies below completely hidden. How clearly do you perceive the world?

(Photo thanks to photosearch.com)

Paying Attention

Last night, I finished a thought-provoking book by Glenda Green called Love Without End. On the last page, there is the following statement: "In the end, one's ego is the source of all failure, because it will bring about its own demise through resistance." Glenda's book is full of wisdom and beautiful thoughts, so I find myself wondering why this one sentence has stuck with me like glue . . . there must be something within this statement that my soul is calling me to pay attention to. So, I begin my process by contemplating on what I know about the concepts held within these words. . .

The concept of the ego is spoken of by many spiritual teachers. We start out as a thought in the mind of God - an infinite possibility. This little spark of Divine Intention comes down and merges with a physical body and forms a soul. We are not born with an ego. . .our egos form as we begin to interact with environments and people around us. We are given a name from a baby book or one that honors a family member - not a name that honors who we are at a soul level. We are told that we are good or naughty, smart or challenged, beautiful or not but none of these things have anything to do with who we really are. By the time we are young adults, we have a well defined structure around who we think we are - our ego. Because the ego is a "false-self", when we try to find happiness through chasing after the wants and desires of the ego we will only find ourselves feeling empty and confused. True happiness is never found by listening to the ego. True happiness only comes through the deconstruction of the ego and the reconnection of who we are at the level of the spark of Divine Intention.

The idea of resistance is like a puppy sitting at the end of his leash. He doesn't understand that a leash is an opportunity for a safe and happy walk with his beloved owner. He only understands that it is a new and unwelcome tether. . . therefore he goes into resistance and refuses to move. Our egos are much like that puppy. New ideas, new ways of thinking or looking at things often sends our egos into fear and resistance. We then find ourselves sitting stubbornly at the end of our leash instead of moving forward into a happier walk with ourselves and The Source of Love.

When I think of times of great resistance in my own life, I think of times when I "knew" that something in my life was no longer working and desperately needed to be changed - yet change terrified me. All the "what ifs" and the projected ramifications of such changes upon my life and upon the lives of my family would flood me and paralyze me. It would sometimes take years for me to come to a point of willingness where I could finally rise above my ego, let go of the resistance and allow Source to move me forward. Many times that willingness came only when I was experiencing pain beyond that which I could bear.

So, once again, I ask myself, "What am I trying to learn from Glenda's statement?" "In the end, one's ego is the source of all failure, because it will bring about its own demise through resistance." At this point, I enter the next step of my process - opening up to Divine Wisdom for help with learning what my soul is inviting me to see in this statement. I quiet my mind. I quiet my emotions. I quiet my physical body and sit with the intention to attract help. I wait patiently.

During my quiet time over the next few days, I begin to see some patterns in my life. At this point in my journey, I don't see any areas of obvious failure but I do see areas that continue to be difficult even though I have held long-time intentions that they grow healthier and become easier. I begin to become aware that much of the difficulty in these areas is caused by resistance . . . resistance to what the Divine has in mind for my life. I can now be more aware of and say hello to any egoic resistance around these issues and begin to turn them over to Spirit for help and release.

This process of watching for statements in books or lectures that seem to jump out and grab me, spending time contemplating or meditating on the words and concepts, and asking what my soul is asking me to learn from them has prompted tremendous spiritual growth in my life. Even if we are not able to audibly hear God's voice or communicate directly to our souls, our souls are working to direct us and help us. We just have to pay attention.

(photo thanks to photosearch.com)

Increasing Good Will in the World

From Two WorldWisdom School's list of 108 spiritual laws, The Law of Good Will says that we are responsible for increasing the amount of good will circulating in the world. When I put on my work hat, I call myself a "Soul Coach", a "Spiritual Coach" or even sometimes a "Spiritual Director" therefore I spend several hours a day within a circle of prayer with people who are seeking spiritual growth, healing and wisdom for their lives. During these hours it is easy for me to feel like I am increasing the amount of good will in the world. However, what about all the other hours of my day? Am I able to increase the good will when the pond maintenance company charges me for five hours of labor when I know that their young worker was only here for 2 1/2 hours? Am I able to increase the amount of good will when I am around people who are full anger and negativity for prolonged amounts of time? I find it much harder to increase good will in these difficult situations.

As I was thinking about this, the visual of a puppy came to my mind. Have you ever noticed that puppies are "negativity eaters"? It is very difficult to be grouchy, angry and full of negativity around a bouncy, happy puppy. This is why they use dogs and other animals as therapy tools in hospitals and long-term care facilities. It is as if the unconditional love and acceptance of an animal who is truly living within the moment without judgement is able to pull most people up to a new level of positivity.

So this week, as I have held this law in my heart and have spent time on building an intention to send good will into the world even through difficult situations, I have kept this visual of the puppy before me. Then as I dealt with the pond care company, I tried to stay in the moment, have no expectations of the outcome, be cheerful, accepting and loving and just state the facts as I see them. What I have experienced in return is a happiness within myself that I have increased the good will within that particular situation, mostly kindness and a willingness to be helpful on the other side of the situation and a contentment that even if I don't get a decrease on my bill, I have spoken my truth without adding negative energy into the situation and the world.

My husband and I attend a Spiritual book club that meets before the church services at the church where we attend. During the summer, we discuss a pre-chosen movie instead of a chapter of a book. This week, our selected movie was "Pay it Forward" with Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt. The story follows a young boy's attempt to change the world by doing something difficult to help three people and then asking those people to "pay it forward" and help three more people. This seemed to be a great movie illustration of this Law of Good Will. What I found the most interesting about the story is that the boy, for much of the movie, felt that he had completely failed to increase the amount of good will on the earth - whereas, in reality, he had begun a great movement that touched the lives of hundreds of people for good. Therefore, it is very possible that we will never know how much impact we have on the world by simply living in a manner that seeks to add good will to every situation in which we find ourselves.

Seek to increase the amount of good will in all the situations that you find yourself in today. It will not only make you feel better emotionally and physically, but you just might make the world a more pleasant place in which to live.

Father's Day

When I think of the ideal of the word "father", words come to mind such as protector, provider, role-model, teacher. I think of words like strength, resourcefulness and integrity. I think of the character of Charles Ingalls, Laura's father in "The Little House on the Prairie" series. The resourceful Mr. Ingalls could build anything, fix anything or seemingly grow anything. He would get up at dawn, work hard at physical labor all day, yet keep everyone safe and still have energy and patience left over to spend the evenings playing his fiddle, singing, telling stories and teaching life lessons to his daughters. It seems that he was able to be all things masculine and strong while still being safe, wise and loving. . . a seemingly perfect example of a father.

Whether Laura's father was really that perfect, or whether those were just her near-perfect memories of him, the truth is that most of our fathers were not present in our lives like the Little House father was in his children's lives. In order to make a living, most dads need to spend a great deal of time away from home. There is way too much knowledge in the world at this point for any dad to know everything or to be able to be capable in all areas of life. Dangers are not as clear as wolves slinking around the cabin. . . it is much more difficult for dads to keep their children safe and unharmed. Life is just way more complex; therefore fathering is more complicated.

When I was a very small girl, my father maintained a small ranch plus juggled 2 or 3 other jobs in order to make ends meet. In fact, my father worked very hard during all of my growing up years. . . to the point where I felt almost abandoned. Yet, on the evenings that he made it home and when he was not too tired or too stressed, my dad truly knew how to play. He taught me numerous card games. He would wrestle and chase, tickle and laugh. He would get in the car for no other reason than to go explore a new place. He was the one adult in my life who could really let go and have fun.

For many of my adult years, I have focused on how absent my father was from my young life. . .this focus was necessary in order for me to understand my pain and to heal it. However, there comes a point where it is time to rewrite the past - to stop focusing on the bad and refocus on the gifts that our fathers were able to give to us.

Therefore, I would like to honor my father for giving me the gift of laughter and fun. I would like to honor my children's father for giving them the gift of nature and the love of outdoor sports and activities. I would like to honor my husband for giving his kids the gift of music and play. I would like to honor all fathers for the gifts that they were able to give to their children in spite of the fact that none of them could attain that ideal of the "perfect" father.

Happy Father's Day, 2009!

Trust

When my son was quite small, one of his favorite games was to jump off of something and have me catch him. In fact, he grew to love this game so much and he possessed so much trust in the fact that I would catch him each and every time, that he would throw himself off of something in my general direction with little or no warning. Of course I loved him and did everything within my power to catch him every time so that his intense level of trust would be well founded - but human mothers are fallible and can not be one hundred percent trustworthy. Therefore I, like all of our mothers did to us, eventually was too busy or too slow or too distracted and was not able to be there for him in the way that he wanted me to be. I let him down.

As an adult in my fifties, I have not only had parents who weren't there in the way that I needed them to be, but I have been let down by numerous people whom I trusted - siblings, friends, teachers, husbands. . . it is difficult to trust after being let down so often! Yet that is what a relationship with the Divine is all about - Trust.

I have a set of meditation cards that have words on which you are to meditate and a beautiful picture depicting that word. The last three times that I have drawn a card from this deck - I have drawn the card "Trust". The picture is of someone soaring through the air without a parachute and with no ground in sight beneath him/her. Just the picture on this card used to cause me to break out in a cold sweat and have shortness of breath. Yet as I progress on this path of connrcting in a deep way to the Divine, I am beginning to see that it is when I find the ability to jump into the unknown with abandon and child-like trust - that is when the Universe conspires to help me with synchonistic events that I could never have envisioned or foreseen.

I just got off the phone from just such an event. My husband and I had invited a spiritual teacher to come to our community to give a weekend workshop. The date for her arrival is fast approaching and I found myself with only a few people signed up for the class. Being new to the community, we don't know a large number of people and have not known how to advertise her visit. An advertisement in the weekly paper in town seemed an impersonal way to draw people to a small group workshop, but at the prompting of my husband, I wrote up a short add. With a large amount of trust that there are many people in our community that would benefit from and enjoy this class and that those who could be helped by it would be drawn to us. . . last week I emailed the add to the paper. A short time ago, the phone rang. It was a very apologetic woman from the paper. She said that she had overlooked my email when it arrived so that it had missed the deadline for being published in last week's paper. She added however, that she attended a large church in town where many people attended who would be interested in such a workshop. With my permission, she said, she would forward my email to several people who might want to attend and would also forward it to the editor who was in charge of the calender of events - also published in this same paper.

While hanging up the phone I felt chills run down my spine. What I could not do for myself had obviously been taken care of by someone larger than myself. . . because I had moved forward with trust that the people who needed to attend would be reached. As these kinds of synchronistic events show up in my life more and more, I am able to trust a bit more the next time around - as if trust is a type of muscle which must be exercised.

What are you struggling with today? Is Spirit asking you to choose a direction to go and move forward with trust that the help that you need will be there when you need it? Exercising your trust today will make trusting a bit easier tomorrow!

(Photo courtesy of fotosearch.com)

Fire in the Heart

Spiritual practice, especially meditation or contemplation that quiets our minds and opens our hearts and souls to Spirit is deeply transformational.

Growing up in a fairly conservative Christian home, I didn't know anyone who had any kind of contemplative practice. Going to church once or twice a week, prayers before meals and bedtime, along with varying degrees of Bible study and reading of inspirational materials are all I ever witnessed of the spiritual life. As a teen and young adult, I began to develop my own spiritual life by emulating what I had seen as a child. I found these spiritual activities to be meaningful to me up to a certain point but I always felt frustrated and wanting more. But I had no idea what was missing.

The summer after my first year of college, I worked on my dad's farm moving irrigation pipes across huge fields of wheat and soy beans. My nearest friends lived over an hour and a half away so evenings were quiet to say the least. Therefore, on those quiet, lonely evenings, I began a practice of climbing the hill behind the house, sitting in the spot of sand that had the best view of the western horizon and the rolling fields of green and gold, and silently watching the sun set. This practice calmed my spirit and soul and filled my heart in such a way that made me feel connected to something larger than myself. Sometimes I would think about life and its complexities but often I would just sit and be. Little did I know that I was experiencing my first meditation practice.

Later years brought career, marriage, children and the busyness that life seems to pulse with in our culture and I lost touch with the practice of silence and connecting. Still later, when my marriage was ending, my kids were on their way out of the nest and I was realizing that my old head-based religion could not help me. . . I once again turned toward the contemplative.

Now, after 5 years of daily meditation practice, I find myself deeply transformed. Most of my life I have struggled with depression, whereas now I rarely experience a blue feeling. Instead of having wildly swinging moods, I feel content with what life brings me from day to day. My relationships are deeper and more stable. My spiritual life is more fulfilling and meaningful. I have a deep sense of inner peace and well-being. In many ways, I am living a whole new life.

I have noticed that most movies have at least one character that goes through some kind of major transformation during the duration of the film. The story begins where the character is stuck in some area of his/her life and then a new person or event becomes a catalyst that precipitates change. I like to call this phenomenon - "Fire in the Heart". I had longed most of my life to have an ongoing fire of transformation burning in my heart. . . yet my childhood religion hadn't given it to me, therapy hadn't given it to me nor had a host of different kinds of relationships. What finally turned the smoldering desire for change into a full-blown fire of transformation in my life was being still, connecting to The Source of All That Is, and getting a vision of who I could become.

Now, as a spiritual coach, I ask people what they want more of in their life, I explore with them what might be getting in the way of having these things in their life and then coach them on how to invite a transformational fire into their heart through a deep and quiet connection to the Source of All That Is. For you, it may be a regular practice of hiking up a hill and quietly watching the sun set, for others it may be doing visualization meditations with a group, meeting with a group of spiritual explorers in a wisdom circle or creating a sacred place in your house which is set apart for contemplation in which you can quietly sit with the intention to connect to the Source of the Transformational Fire.

What do you want more of in your life?

(Image by Kathleen Cavender)

Reflect Divine Light

When I was a little girl, my parents took me to the children's classes that were held before the main church services at our church. Because we attended church on Saturday, the classes were called Sabbath School and it was a happy place for me to be. One of my favorite songs that they taught me was titled, "This Little Light of Mine." It was all about how I was to let my light shine out to the world. On one of my favorite lines, we would all shout, "Hide it under a bushel? - NO! I'm gonna let it shine!" Back in those days, I had a vague sense that my "light" had to do with God shining through me out into the world in a way that made the world a bit brighter place. This idea lit up a sense of purpose in my very young heart and inspired me to try to be kind, helpful and honest whenever I could.

Today, more than ever, our world is in need of light and I find myself with a renewed fervor to let my light shine and to be a real "lightworker" for the kingdom of the Divine. But now in my fifties, I know in my heart that there is more to this idea than doing random acts of kindness, even though kindness and helpfullness are still wonderful. I have come to see that at the spirit level, we each carry a spark of the Divine. This spark is seeking to ignite into a flame of bright holiness in each of our lives. This process, however is not a simple one seeing that the Divine spark is trying to manifest and grow inside of our very dense animal bodies. So, how do we become bright lights that illuminate and transform the world? What is our part in this process?

Early this morning, as I took my small dog out to do her morning business, the heavy clouds over Spokane thinned in just the right spot to reveal the moon in all her splendor. Winters are gray in Spokane and any glimpse of the moon or sun brings light into the body and joy and hope to the soul. As I stood gazing at her lovely light, the moon reminded me of this idea of being a lightworker in the world. The sun produces its own light from its own essence. The moon, however, is merely soft and receptive to the sun's light and then reflects it down to us. What a beautiful metaphor for us and what we can do for the world. In our animal bodies, we may not be able to produce much light from our own essence, but we can be soft and receptive to the Divine Spirit in a way that absorbs and then reflects into the world a soft but beautiful reflection of the Divine Light. Then just as the moon waxes into fullness, as we do this more and more, our animal bodies will begin to clarify, our tiny spark will begin to grow and we will be able to shine more and more brightly.

I invite you, as you create your empty interval today, to consciously open yourself and be receptive to the Divine Spirit. Then, throughout your day, simply "be" the reflection of the absorbing of that light. Done every day, this practice will not only be transforming in your own life but will bring transformation to the world around you. "Let your little light shine!"