Balance

When I was in college, a very long time ago, I was in total conflict with my feminine side. I had experienced sexual trauma at a very young age, had numerous father issues that had convinced me that I would have been more loved and accepted if I had been born a male and had consequently lived most of my childhood as a tomboy. Then at the age of seventeen, I met whom I "knew" was the masculine side of my soul and totally fell in love. . . only to have him break up with me a few weeks into my freshman year of college in order to go back to his previous girlfriend. The end result was me trying to navigate my way through college and major life decisions lost in a wounded soul. . . in conflict with what I viewed my "vulnerable" feminine side and over-developing my masculine side.

Throughout my freshman year and into my sophomore year, I rebelled against wearing anything feminine or soft or doing anything special with my hair. I developed friendships with males but overall shied away from even second dates with anyone. About half-way through the fall semester of my sophomore year, a Sadie Hawkins party was announced - it was the once a year chance for the young women on campus to be in charge of finding and inviting dates to attend the gala event. I am not sure what aspect of this party piqued the interest of my holed-up and wounded feminine side, but suddenly I became bold. I dialed the number of the best looking guy on campus and asked him to be my date. When he accepted, I suddenly found myself shopping for dresses with ruffles and lace, lovely shades of make-up and shoes with heels. I even found someone in the dorm to fix my hair up on top of my head with soft curls falling around my face. On the night of the party, as I descended the staircase of the dormitory to meet my date, I felt a bit strange and out of place within the femininity of the clothes and hairdo. . . yet in some way that I did not understand - deeply powerful.

The young man that accompanied me that evening, did not turn out to be the love that I had been searching for yet the sense of power behind my femininity that I experienced that night was the beginning of a journey. Our male-dominated society and our even more male-dominated churches have wounded the feminine side in us all - whether we live in female or male bodies. We have been lead to believe that the feminine aspect is weak and vulnerable therefore in order to feel capable and to have a sense of personal power we shame this part of ourselves and overdevelop the masculine side only to grow more and more out of balance.

Real power lies in the perfect balance of our feminine and masculine sides. The feminine side is like the moon - reflective, receptive. . . a soft light in the vastness of all that is. The power in this aspect of who we are is the ability to receive and reflect upon vast amounts of intuitive "knowing" that tunes us into people and situations at a deep level. The masculine side is like the sun - projecting, radiating, penetrating. . . a powerful light. The power in this side is more obvious but penetrating just for the sake of penetrating can be destructive - like war. The true power is the balance between the two. First, letting the feminine side receive and reflect upon the true nature of the situation, the needs of all involved, what would serve the highest good of all that are involved then allowing the masculine side to kick in and radiate into the situation what is needed whether it is love, instruction, discipline, or healing. It is very much like breathing in and breathing out. The feminine side breaths in the situation, reflects on it and "knows" what is needed. The masculine side breaths out whatever the situation needs projected into it.

I believe that this perfect balance of feminine and masculine was seen in human/Divine form in the life of Jesus. He was able to answer the real question when the person didn't even know how to voice the real question.

What would our world look like if we all, men and women alike, stopped trying to over-develop our masculine side in order to have a sense of power and instead strive to find true power in the perfect balance of the feminine and masculine aspects that exist in us all. There would be no war, no destructive anger, no climbing over others to get to the top of the heap. We would honor all life on this planet and strive to serve the highest good of all life forms.