Wishes for my Grandson

 

My grandson, Gershon, is 7 years old.  He has a difficult life right now.  His parents are divorced and do not get along with each other.  His dad’s parents do not think that my daughter is a suitable parent and subsequently spend a great deal of their time and resources to take him and his sister away from her – Gershon is caught in the middle.  Being caught in the middle is a really rough place to find yourself when you are 7.  When you are 7 you should be happy and carefree.  The biggest worry in your life should be where you left your backpack and when your next snack is going to come your way.  You should not have to worry whether your grandparents are going to take you away from your mom and when the police are going to get called next.

I wonder what my inner landscape was like when I was 7.  By 7, I had already been the object of my brother’s sexual exploration and had experienced quite a lot of chaos and several moves.  My mother was present in body but not in spirit.  My dad worked day and night trying to build a successful real estate business.  My oldest brother had been kicked out of school and sent away to live with relatives and my younger brother hardly showed his face around the house.  I don’t remember much about being 7 but I imagine that I had more than my share of stress as well.

I think to myself that a “normal” kid life should be happy, free-spirited and stress-free but maybe that is a perfect picture that really doesn’t happen on this planet.  Maybe just by being born as a spark of the Divine trying to manifest in an animal body on a classroom planet into a family with generations of cracked and broken DNA – maybe we will all automatically struggle to handle what we are given to wrestle with and heal.

Maybe true happiness does not come from being born into a family where the marriage is stable, the care is reliable and fair, all the extended family is supportive and helpful and the schools are excellent.  Maybe true happiness comes from the journey:  the willingness to look fairly and honestly at what you got and what you didn’t get as a child, the courage to accept it and get help with the healing, and the faith to believe that the Universe doesn’t make mistakes and you are in your right place and in your right process.      

It is hard to watch Gershon struggle, but it is exciting to watch he and his mother go to therapy, grow stronger through the process and still grab all the joy that they can between hard times.  I can’t see his future – he may fall into anger and resentment toward a father and a set of grandparents that were willing to sandwich him into the middle of their trauma and drama.  We all have that choice when we have tough stuff happen to us during our early years.  However, I believe that there is also a great chance that he can use the healing of these difficult times to build a solid foundation for a great life and a lot of joy. 

My step-daughter sent her dad this quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:  “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

This is what I hope for my grandson.  This is what I hope for us all.